


What a Lovely Tea Party...

by Noir_Dix



Series: à la carte [6]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Other, Papa III in drag, Shameless absurdity, garden party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 12:25:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16892583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noir_Dix/pseuds/Noir_Dix
Summary: jehannaford started it...And I made it worse.This story stands alone, (probably a good thing).I should've broken it into chapters.I should also be drafting "Dateline", but, instead, there's this... because I have messed-up priorities.





	What a Lovely Tea Party...

It was early in the evening in the Cardinal's cramped room, located deep within the interior of The Church.  
He sat at his battered little desk, filling out paperwork. He wore black satin pajama pants, & sipped coffee from his favorite mug, which featured a busy design of rabbits fucking all over it.  
Dix stirred  restlessly over on his twin bed, covers askew to reveal bare arms & legs.  
He had his one other small chair jammed up under the doorknob, to deter unannounced callers.  
His phone started its odd chime, the sound of old church bells.  
The Clergy was messaging him.  
He sighed the sigh of the long-suffering.

Sister Imperator: Your presence is required at a social gathering.

And, it was his mother. Joy.

Cardi C: What sort of gathering?

There was a pause.

Dix stretched out on the bed, making little waking sounds & wiggling her toes experimentally, which made him smile in spite of himself.

Sister Imperator: A tea.

Cardi C: A what?

Sister Imperator: It's something The Third has come up with, along w/ some silly Sister...

Maurice.  
The Cardinal pinched the bridge of his nose irritably.  
Just what he fucking needed.

Cardi C: A tea party? I'm bringing my rat.

Dix had gotten up & put on his shirt from the previous evening... a worn number that read: I survived the plague, & all I got was this lousy T-shirt. She wrapped her arms around his neck & began nibbling the edge of his right ear.  
He adjusted... himself, because: satin pajama pants.  
She reached down & lightly dragged her nails up over his soft, white belly. Which did not help. "What's up?" she asked.  
"I have been summoned."  
"For?"  
"A tea party."  
She looked askance at him.  
"Don't ask me. This is apparently Maurice's doing."  
"Oh, dear."  
"Precisely."  
And, he rummaged around in one of the bottom drawers for his bottle of brandy.

A short while later, he made his way through the labyrinthine halls to Maurice's suite, which let out into a small, private garden.  
He wore his immaculate white suit, & carried his black fedora, with Dix curled  up inside.  
She had loudly protested this outing, but, had finally given in upon his insistence.  
They had debated bringing his black biretta, instead... (It looked like a tea-cozy.) But, figured it wouldn't sit right, wherever he had to put it.  
He was already aggravated, & the scene he came upon in the garden did not help his feelings.

There was a long table, laid out like something from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. There was a curvy Sister of Sin, with long, dark hair...  
Trixie. Trixie the trickster. He recognized her from the library.  
She seemed to be dancing attendance on-  
Sweet fancy Lucifer.

The leader of their unholy congregation, Emeritus the Third, & his (unknown to him) half-brother, Maurice.  
There he stood, jet-black hair & skull-paint both in perfect place-

Wearing a dusty rose-colored vintage tea gown. With bunny slippers... that he apparently focused on, because Maurice felt compelled to explain,  
"We couldn't find ladies' shoes big enough on such short notice."  
And, it looked like he'd shaved his legs.  
"Andy, we're so glad you could come."

The "Employee of the Month" awards were _so_ not worth it, anymore.  
He proffered a hand, clad in an ivory satin opera glove.

Andy, the Cardinal, the younger, just gaped momentarily.  
Trixie, the Sister, looked as though she wanted the earth to open up & swallow her.  
An alarmed squeak sounded from his hat, & he looked to find Dix pressed against the back of it.

He finally took Maurice's hand, & the other man gave every indication that he was going to kiss it. Andy yanked back, & forced him into a pedestrian handshake.  
The Third pouted.

"Is this..." Andy's voice trailed off. He cleared his throat & tried again. "Is this all there is?"  
"I've been trying to get ahold of Robin-"  
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, NO.  
Not The Second.

"I sent pictures. Do you think he'll like my outfit?"  
The Cardinal stared. They were all going to die.  
"I do hope he'll take the hint, & go casual. Love what you've got going on here, by the way." Maurice gestured to the suit, "It's like... a white suit of sex."

Dix crawled out of the hat, over the brim, & up his arm to rest on his shoulder warily.  
"Oh, you brought your pet. How... nice."  
They all stood around awkwardly for a few moments.

"So, let's eat." The Third said finally. "Clappity clap."  
Yes, the last supper before The Second came & killed them all, the Cardinal thought glumly.

"You know that I don't eat." he said, sitting at the table still the same.  
A teapot got passed around, & he produced his flask to dose the beverage. Dix scampered down his other arm to sit next to his teacup.  
He rubbed between her ears with an index finger.  
"Now, don't over-do it, darling."  
The rat glared at him.  
"Heh, heh, heh..."  
"Didn't you used to have a cat?" Maurice asked.  
"I still do, sometimes."  
He selected a cucumber sandwich, tore it in half, then began pulling that into tiny morsels.  
The rat looked at him dubiously. He hitched a shoulder before picking up the other half, sniffing it, & pulling a face.

She stood to grip the edge of the teacup. The Cardinal tipped it a bit to assist her...  
Maurice scooped her up from the table top without warning.

"Honestly, Andy. What possessed you to keep such a filthy little thing for a pet?"  
The Cardinal already had a knife at hand.  
"And, so frail, too."  
Dix panicked & bit the pad of his thumb, hard enough to draw blood through the layer of satin.  
"It bit me!" he exclaimed, dropping her. "I'm going to catch the plague!"  
Andy caught her, & dropped her down into an unused teapot. He then stalked around the end of the table to pull Maurice up & out of his chair. He vaguely registered Trixie picking up the teapot before pressing his knife to the other man's neck.  
"Dix, is that you?" he heard her ask softly.  
"She's more likely to get the pox from you, stronzo..." he seethed.

At that moment, Robin exploded into the garden setting. He was in his full Papal regalia, despite having been demoted.  
And, he was wearing aviators.  
"What is the meaning of this bullshit?!" he thundered, brandishing a phone with images of Maurice in his absurd outfit, complete with a flapper hat & duckface pouting.  
He grabbed Andy's shoulder & forcefully yanked him backward.  
"One of these days, Maurice..." he waved his knife wildly, "This shit will not stand."

Robin, The Second, the recently deposed, turned his withering countenance upon the Cardinal.  
"Andy, shut up."  
He wanted to argue, but settled on tipping the teapot into his hat & backing away.  
"Go... now."

And, they left to fight another day.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> The Ghost men now have the names of the Bee Gees, (& Andy).  
> The coffee cup is a real thing.  
> Is this what set CC off?  
> (Oh, & I'm on Tumblr:  
> https://the-pomegranate-cassock.tumblr.com  
> if y'all want another venue to inform me of my weirdness.)


End file.
